The Justice League Vs the 96 Chicago Bulls

 "Vs" stories are all the rage. We all want to know who would win in a whatever.. it's time honored- Alien Vs Predator, Kong Vs. Godzilla, Freddy Vs. Jason, Kramer Vs. Kramer- it's all we think about. 

The other night I found myself reading a copy of Justice League Vs. Godzilla Vs. Kong.  Yes, this is a real comic book published by DC Comics and Legendary Comics featuring your favorite DC superheroes taking on the likes of Godzilla and King Kong, and Superman and it's not going well for our heroes. But that got me to thinking, who else out there in the world of infinite possibilities could challenge a collection of some of the greatest superheroes ever created? 

There is of course only one answer, the 1996 NBA Champion Chicago Bulls, led by one Michael Jordan.

How? Why? Who knows. Who cares it's comics. There is of course some precedence for this sort of crossover. The 1996 movie Space Jam had Michael Jordan team up with the Loony Tunes to play basketball in an intergalactic tournament. And Superman fought Muhammad Ali in the 1978 comic Superman Vs Muhammad Ali.

Let's look at the match ups!

Aquaman V Luc Longley: Sure Aquaman is the king of the seas, but basketball is played on land. Luc Longley is from Australia, which is surrounded by waters (but what isn't). I think these two will have a physical match up, but Aquaman will eventually find himself beat down and probably dehydrated by Longley and the other big bodies the Bulls had in rotation back then. Ultimately the King of the Seas becomes a non factor.

ADVANTAGE: Luc Longley

Green Lantern V Toni Kukoc: It depends on which Green Lantern you get. If you get Kyle Rayner or Guy Garnder, Kukoc walks away with it no questions asked. Hal Jordan, I think its a bit closer but I think Toni would eventually frustrate Hal. John Stewart I think is disciplined and savvy enough to compete with Toni’s eurostep and outside shot. 

ADVANTAGE: Toni Kukoc 

Flash V Steve Kerr: Yes Flash could run circles around everyone on the court in the blink of an eye, but also he’d probably get called for traveling so… you do the math. I think Flash wins this match up, but it’s not a cake walk. And I think the Bulls will probably switch up Pippen with Kerr a few times on defense, and that will definitely throw Flash for a loop when it happens. Still, Flash will just be too much to handle.

ADVANTAGE: Flash

Wonder Woman V Scottie Pippin: She’s a literal goddess and he was a 4 time NBA all defensive player and he had the most steals in the NBA that year. I think Wonder Woman wins this match up but it’s closer than you think. 

ADVANTAGE: Wonder Woman

Batman V Dennis Rodman: This is a psychological battle as much as a physical one.  Batman would love the physical challenge, but Dennis Rodman was basically the Joker back in those days. I think Batman would get into Rodman’s head but Rodman knows all eyes are on him, I think both Rodman and Batman get ejected in the 4th. 

ADVANTAGE: Draw.

Superman V Michael Jordan: Draw. Superman would have a hard time controlling his super-strength and he’d have a hard time finding that 20 foot jumper. Yes, Superman can fly, but he wouldn’t cheat. Michael Jordan is Michael Jordan, and he has no qualms with flying if it means winning.

ADVANTAGE: Jordan.

Superpowers mean nothing when you’re out of your element. Obviously the story would end with up with the Justice League joining forces with the Chicago Bulls to stop Lex Luthor and his best pal Jerry Krause from taking over the multiverse or something- but part way through the story you will really worry if the Justice League will get out of this one!

Why play favorites? This concept could work for the DC Comics competition.

How about the 96 Chicago Bulls Vs. The X-Men?  

Who wouldn't want to see Professor X match wits with Phil Jackson? Dennis Rodman Vs. Wolverine? 

I know even with my three vision boards and with putting this idea out into the etherial consciousness of the universe via Blogger that this idea will likely never happen. But if you guys could see the vision I have in my head for this silly idea.  There's this meme out there that states, "Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman" but I guarantee you, in 1996 even Batman wanted to be like Mike. 

Bloggy Blog- Sunday September 3

Welcome to the Bloggy Blog where I write down random thoughts from the week. Not Every week. Just whenever.

TikTok:

If you search “Radiohead Creep Dance” on TikTok you’ll find a trend where Gen Z kids have created a fun TikTok dance to Radiohead’s Creep. I will admit that I felt a twinge of confusion and maybe even possibly anger when first coming across this trend. Is nothing sacred? Creep has long been the anthem to outsiders and loners, smoking and crying alone on a dimly lit stairwell, but no longer. Now a corner of the internet has claimed that song as their dance ditty. 

Maybe I shouldn’t be asking, “why don’t these kids show respect to this song that came out 20 years before they were born??” But rather, “Why do I expect kids to feel the same way about a song they have no emotional attachment to?”  Also, music should be fun. Also we’re all just lifeforms floating on a rock in space and we completely made up language and art and music and we can do whatever we want with it. 

But I feel like letting myself feel some kind of way about kids flailing their arms to Creep is what leads to stuff like 90-year-old politicians. We can respect things without being beholden to them. The fact that the kids are dancing to Creep, and acknowledge the song exists at all is a win in a world drowning in content. 

"Free" Fries:

Capitalism loses once again. There are 3 McDonalds within driving distance from where I live, and over the last year all three have been extending their drive through process. 

Normally the process of going through the drive through involves 2, sometimes 3 stops of the car. Stop 1: The menu- where you order the food. Stop 2: The pay window- where you pay for your food, Stop 3: The food window- where you get your order. (Sometimes there’s only one window where you pay and get your food- but in this particular instance all the McDonalds I’m talking about have 2 windows)

Lately the local McDonalds have turned the Food window into the drink window, and then they ask the customer to pull around to the front or side of the restaurant and wait for the food to be brought out. 

I hate it when they do this.

I assume this is an adopted practice because McDonalds tracks how quickly they can push cars through their drive throughs and asking cars to pull around to the side of the store was some kind of cheat to make it seem like more customers where being handled more quickly, and the practice just caught on.

So today I found myself in the McDonald’s Drive Through where I ordered a burger and fries and a drink, and they asked me to pull around to the side of the building where a whole slew of cars were parked waiting for their food.

Eventually a worker came out to me, in one hand he was holding a drink carrying case with 2 drinks and an ice cream, and in the other a bag of food. He called out my exact order, so I said “yes that’s mine” thinking he was just going to hand me the bag, but instead he handed me the bag and the drinks. The bag was much heavier than it should have been. 

The bag had 3 large fries, a burger, and a 20 chicken nuggets.

“Oh, this isn’t my order.” I said.

And the worker, a young man who certainly doesn’t get paid enough to care said, “bro- just take it.”

And I thought about it for a second… and I thought about how I have two roommates who like McDonalds fries.

So I took it, and my roommates got fries.

I felt bad for the person’s order I took. I’m sure McDonalds remade their meal, and maybe they got a coupon or something out of the deal. 

But also those people ordered 20 McNuggets without any sauce, so they may have been serial killers as well.

But you know… as I watched my roommates eat those free fries I thought- None of this would have happened if McDonalds had just given me my food at the food window, that is what it was built for. And maybe if they paid their employees more to care, and maybe if they were’t so focused on analytics then everyone would have gotten their order correctly to begin with.

All that said, I guarantee I’ve thought more about taking someone’s $30 dollars worth of McDonalds and all the things that led up to that point than any McDonald’s executive ever will.